The plague of deleting people

Have you ever been deleted from someone’s life without a conversation or even a goodbye? I have and it is really disturbing, right? It is baffling when someone simply walks away and deletes you without the courtesy of a conversation (whether in person or online). With the growth of social media, it is beautiful to connect across the globe with friends from the past and to make new friends. But connecting online can be superficial and it sets up a culture that when you are upset or uninterested in maintaining a connection, you simply unfriend and delete the person. I am seeing this happening more and more and it conflicts with the new energy of more compassion and connections.

I’m going to blunt to these deletors … it’s cowardly, it’s low vibrational energy, it’s immature, and we don’t want to share that energy with you. But it is hurtful when it happens.

So what’s a sensitive soul to do when you have been deleted? Here are some tried and true techniques that have helped:

  • Have a conversation with yourself that the other person’s dismissive conduct really has nothing to do with you. If it did, they would not hesitate to have a conversation of throwing blame on you if you really did something wrong. When someone just leaves without notice or conversation, it is wholly about them. And the one thing in life that you cannot control is other people.
  • Recognize that if the person was a close friend, family member or romantic partner, that you likely had a soul contract with them to learn something (and they also had something to learn). Spend quiet time reflecting on what you were supposed to learn and then LEARN IT! Otherwise you will attract another similar energy and have to learn the lesson again and again and again. When you learn the lesson, the person will disappear because the contract is complete.
  • Be grateful that the person came into your life to teach you a lesson and that you learned it and can move on. Thank them in person or write them a letter (and not send it) for the lesson and wish them well. From a true place of genuineness, send them love for their own healing and you will find that forgiveness comes faster.
  • Have a closure ceremony: Light candles, play beautiful music, diffuse essential oils, thank them and say goodbye. Even set the thank you letter on fire outdoors and send it to source energy.
  • ForgivenessThen you need to support yourself through the healing. Let yourself cry, grieve and go through the process. Don’t block it because you will just embed the hurtful energy deeper into your cells. These supportive tools can really help:
      • Essential oils: These are my favorite Young Living oils for support: Forgiveness, Highest Potential, Joy, Release, Valor and White Angelica.
      • Crystals: Lots and lots of pink and green crystals for heart chakra support. Rose Quartz, Green Aventurine, Kunzite, Prehnite are my favs.
      • Energy healing: Go for a session or two to get the hurtful energy moving out. Self healing is good, but letting someone else nurture you is even better.
      • KunziteEpsom salt baths with essential oils every day until you feel better. Epsom salts help to remove toxins and essential oils will keep your vibration high.
      • Oracle cards: Work with your favorite deck to focus not on the past, but on the present and future. You will feel better with that focus.
      • Vision boards: Change up your vision board to focus on the new relationship(s) you will attract and stay focused!

There will always be people out there who take the easy way out of a situation and simply delete you without the courtesy of a conversation. Even though it will hurt, just know that their conduct has nothing to do with you and you have tools available to help you quickly recover and attract in people who will nurture and love you.
About Allie Phillips:

Me Aug 2014Allie is a unique combination of self-empowerment coach (Certified Law of Attraction Counselor and Life Coach), energy therapist (Usui Reiki Master-Teacher, Integrated Energy Therapy Master-Instructor, and Advanced Crystal Master), award-winning book author, attorney and nationally-recognized animal advocate. Whether it’s wanting more freedom, creativity, loving relationships, financial security, wellbeing, relaxation, or adjusting to the energy of our new world … she looks at each person and animal holistically and creates a well-being plan. She holistically combines these methods to help people gain control of their lives and to help animals live with comfort in our hectic world. It worked for her and will work for you!  She particularly loves helping our animal companions because for those of us who have them grace our worlds, they are our soul mates.
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The Bachelor/Bachelorette: The Law of Attraction in Action

I confess … I watch The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. (Don’t judge!) Although a vast majority of the relationships from the show have failed, and the 25+ contestants vying for love in a speed dating setting is a recipe for an emotional train wreck, I think many of us secretly (or not so secretly) love reality shows, Hallmark movies, and books that give us the hope that true love can be found in any setting.

With the latest season of The Bachelor currently unfolding with farmer Chris, I have found myself listening to what the women say … especially the women that are sent home at the end of each show. Here are some of the more frequent comments that the women have said in their departure interviews:

  • “I’ll never find love.”
  • “Why do I always choose the wrong guy?”
  • “Guys always leave me.”
  • “There must be something wrong with me.” 

So let’s talk about the Law of Attraction, Bachelor style. In a nutshell, like attract likes, the energy that you send out comes back, and what you focus on and give energy to will manifest. So when I hear the women (and sometimes the men) saying things like “I’ll never find love”, they are making a statement from a belief that is sending energy out and making it true. Avoiding these statements is especially difficult for anyone who has experienced numerous heartaches, bad dating experiences, and has trouble truly believing that they will find the perfect match for them. We say these statements because we believe they are currently true right now. But saying these statements makes them continue to be true. So whether you verbalize these beliefs, or simply let them ruminate in your thoughts, the vibration of that belief is being sent out. And then it comes true and validates our belief more so.

Change the way you look at thingSo what is a tattered heart, especially for someone on The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, to do? It is important to recognize what you think and say about your romantic past, future prospects and your ability to love and be loved. If you believe that you are not worthy of giving or receiving love, that you are too old/damaged/shy/etc., then you will manifest those thoughts and statements and that will be the vibration that you send out. My favorite quote of all time is: “Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.” So take some time to identify what your beliefs are about your romantic life. Write down everything that you think, say and believe about romance and relationships. This will be eye opening and help you understand your situation and to CHANGE IT. Then once you have those beliefs identified, change them with affirmations, vision boards, meditation, tapping, crystals, essential oils, energy healing, and other techniques to help reprogram your beliefs so that you can have the relationship that you desire and deserve.

So as we approach this Valentine’s Day, whether you are in a healthy relationship or not, work on yourself so that you are someone you would want to be in a relationship with is an important gift to give to yourself. And if it helps you feel better about your life, you can always watch the drama unfold on The Bachelor!

About Allie Phillips:

Me Aug 2014Allie is a unique combination of self-empowerment coach (Certified Law of Attraction Counselor and Life Coach), energy therapist (Usui Reiki Master-Teacher, Integrated Energy Therapy Master-Instructor, and Advanced Crystal Master), award-winning book author, attorney and nationally-recognized animal advocate. Whether it’s wanting more freedom, creativity, loving relationships, financial security, wellbeing, relaxation, or adjusting to the energy of our new world … she looks at each person and animal holistically and creates a well-being plan. She holistically combines these methods to help people gain control of their lives and to help animals live with comfort in our hectic world. It worked for her and will work for you!  She particularly loves helping our animal companions because for those of us who have them grace our worlds, they are our soul mates.
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