Processing the Energy of Grief and Loss

Sadly, this topic close to my heart right now.

My sweet Jacob suddenly and unexpectedly passed away on April 3rd. He was fine a few days earlier, then acted a little sluggish and wasn’t eating as much for a day, and the next thing I know we are in the ICU at the Michigan State University Veterinary School. He was crashing and all I was told was that it was a very fast moving cancer, but they didn’t know what the cancer was. Two weeks earlier, he had full lab work-ups done and there were no problems. So after a lot of questions, little answers, and veterinarians who were baffled by what caused the sudden crash, it was clear that Jacob was passing before my eyes so I held him as we let him go.

Jacob is not the only pet who passed away in the past 3 months. An unusually large number of pets and people have passed on (many unexpectedly) …. and the number is well over 30 just for who I know. I’m searching to find the meaning in all of it. I believe that everyone decides at the soul level when it’s their time to pass on. But why so many in the past 3 months? It’s like they are going in clusters. Do they feel they will be of more service to us in spirit? Do they know something we humans don’t know? It has prompted a lot of discussions but little answers.

What I’ve done in the past month to process the grief, cope with the loss and missing the pitter patter of Jacob’s feet, and to keep my multi-businesses afloat, I have turned to a couple of tools to help me process grief.

The first thing I did was reach for my essential oils. The oils that have truly helped me through this difficult time have been Acceptance (to accept what has happened), Frankincense (which comes in the starter kit and it works on the lung meridian where we store the energy of grief), Gratitude (to be grateful for the time that we had with our loved one) and Joy (because our loved one would want us moving forward in joy and happiness). I was in shock, angry and then numb for about 3 weeks. I used my oily religiously and then it all lifted. By diffusing these oils, I know they have also helped my cat Rudy who deeply loved Jacob.

My favorite ways to utilize the oils for emotional help is to smell them. The oils go into the limbic region of the brain where we store emotions. So diffusing the oils or placing the oils in your hand and inhaling are two powerful techniques to process the energy of difficult emotions.

Next, I placed a ginormous Rose Quartz and Selenite on my bedroom nightstand so that the loving and soothing energy of those crystals would surround me at night.

And then I simply kept talking to Jacob. Just because a person or pet has passed on does not mean that their spirit is not nearby. In the past 6 weeks there have been so many Jacob “sightings” based on Rudy’s reactions. Rudy will start to spontaneously play in a location where he and Jacob would rumble. Rudy will jump up and start to chase something that I cannot see. And Rudy will stare down a hallway as if Jacob is there. I also “see” Jacob out of the corner of my eye. So keep talking to your loved one because they have not left your side.

And if you’re still struggling with overwhelming grief and feel that you cannot move on, please talk with a professional and combine that therapy with an energy healing session. Together, it can be a powerful combination of transformation.

I am sharing this because we all have lost someone and if we do not process the grief, it can cause a host of emotional, mental and physical problems (because grief stores in the lungs). Essential oils, crystals and continued connection to your loved one can help you through it. Even if you have grief from long ago, give these techniques a try.

So while we grapple with the why, the what if’s, and retracing steps to try to identify signs or ways that a different road could have been taken, at some point we all have to grieve and release it. So I wanted to share my story that even in the midst of grief, there is hope and happiness.


Jacob and Rudy, very bonded brothers and best friends

I am so grateful and happy that I had my floppy-eared blue-eyed Jacob in my life, even just for less than 5 years. Everyone who came to my homes in Virginia and Michigan met him because he was a big part of every energy healing and essential oil class. I now can look at his photos and smile and I truly feel his presence still in our home.

About Allie Phillips:

Me and LucyAllie is a unique combination of self-empowerment coach (Certified Law of Attraction Counselor and Life Coach), energy therapist (Usui Reiki Master-Teacher, Fairy Reiki Master, Integrated Energy Therapy Master-Instructor, and Advanced Crystal Master), Certified Fairyologist, Young Living essential oil Silver Leader educator, award-winning book author, attorney and nationally-recognized animal advocate. Whether it’s wanting more freedom, creativity, loving relationships, financial security, wellbeing, relaxation, or adjusting to the energy of our new world … she looks at each person and animal holistically and creates a well-being plan. She combines methods to help people gain control of their lives and to help animals live with comfort in our hectic world. And she particularly loves helping our animal companions because for those of us who have them grace our worlds, they are our soul mates.
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Loss: When you want to help

All of us have been in the position at one time where we saw a family or friend suffering through a loss. Maybe it’s the loss of a person, a pet, a job, a relationship, or their health. We instinctively want to help them, but we often do not know what to do. We feel helpless as we watch our loved one suffer.

I have learned a lot about loss from both sides: suffering the loss and wanting to help someone through loss. What I have learned is that everyone processes loss differently. Yet instinctively we want to help others in ways that we would want to be helped. And that’s not necessarily the best way. So I created a video about some different ways that we can help without being intrusive.

Oscar&Sammy Thanksgiving 112306-sideIn 2012, I lost two of my beloved kitties: Sammy (on February 24, 2012) and Oscar (on November 24, 2012). And as the one-year anniversary of Oscar’s passing comes closer, I feel the sadness returning. I had time to prepare for the loss of Sammy and Oscar; yet when it happened it was like the world went on slow motion for me. My life as I had known it for the previous 12 years was gone. For me, I have always coped with loss by going within, being alone, healing in private. That often causes concerned loved ones to reach out to me even more; yet that causes me more pain. On the other hand, I know others who need to be with people when they are dealing with the aftermath of a loss. Having constant companionship and keeping busy is how they cope and heal. Two very different methods, and even more methods in between.

We are all different in how we handle loss and go through the grieving process. Here are 10 ways that you can help some through the process:

1. Ask how you can support them then honor their response. If they want space, give them space. If they want company but no talking, respect that.

2. Let them decide when (or if) they want to talk about what happened. They may want to avoid the topic and discuss lighter issues. Do not force them to talk about the loss. When (if) they are ready to talk, they will.

3. Limit how often you ask “are you okay” or say “I know what you’re going through.” When we are asked if we are okay, we naturally respond that we are fine out of politeness when the honest answer might be “my heart is broken and I don’t know how to go on with life.” And when we compassionately say that we understand what they are going through, we truly mean that. However, knowing that we all process loss differently, we really do not know what they are going through.

Grieving grid4. Send energy healing (distantly) to your loved one. Even though they may not consciously know the energy is enveloping them, energetically they will feel it and it will help them to heal. If you work with crystals, you could set up a crystal grid to send healing energy. I like to set up grids with Rose Quartz (to send love) and Apache Tear Obsidian (to help with grief). You could even set up a grid for the person or pet who has passed on.

5. Send prayers and good intentions their way. The energy of your positive prayers and intentions will reach them and give them comfort.

6. Donate to a charity in the memory of the person or pet who has passed. This is a way of doing something good during a time of grief.

7. Offer your help in nonintrusive ways. Such as cook dinner and leave it for your loved one, rake leaves, shovel snow, mow the lawn, pick up the mail and bring it to the front door. If your loved one is grieving privately, do this in subtle ways so that you do not intrude on their privacy.

8. Send a book that relates to coping with loss. These are some of my favorite books: Animals and the Afterlife, Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates, Dying to be me (a book about the afterlife), Grieving MindfullyThe Art of Extreme Self-Care, and The Tapping Solution (Emotional Freedom Technique to help process grief).

9. Send a card or a photo of the person or pet who has passed along with a memory that you have of them. It may become a cherished keep-sake.

10. And when you don’t know what to say, just send a card or tell them, “I’m here for whatever you need.”

It is natural to want to help when we see a loved one grieving a loss. When you ask them what you can do to best support them and honor their request, everyone will feel better. Just ask!

Me and Oscar - Aug 09-1-cropped
Allie & Oscar

 

About Allie:

Allie is a unique combination of self-empowerment coach (Certified Law of Attraction Counselor and Life Coach), energy therapist (Usui Reiki Master-Teacher, Integrated Energy Therapy Master-Instructor, and Advanced Crystal Master), award-winning book author, attorney and nationally-recognized animal advocate. Whether it’s wanting more freedom, creativity, loving relationships, financial security, wellbeing, relaxation, or adjusting to the energy of our new world … she looks at each person and animal holistically and creates a well-being plan. She holistically combines these methods to help people gain control of their lives and to help animals live with comfort in our hectic world. It worked for her and will work for you!  She particularly loves helping our animal companions because for those of us who have them grace our worlds, they are our soul mates.

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