Essential oils when grieving

Note: This essential oil protocol is NOT intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent disease related to grieving. I am sharing what helped me in my grieving self-care practice.

From December 2019 until March 12, 2022, I was in the prolonged and anticipatory grieving process of losing my mom to Alzheimer’s. Here’s the short story.

My mom had another fall, the visit to the emergency room accelerated her dementia, they told us she was dying and had only days to live (that was a shock to us), she went into assisted living for what we thought would be a short time. Fast forward 3 months and the lockdown happened in March 2020 and my dad and I were excluded from seeing her and even standing outside of her window to wave to her. Her dementia progressed rapidly until we moved her to a different assisted living facility where we could visit her daily. Fast forward 26 months where little by little each day she slipped away until her passing on March 12, 2022.

Grieving occurred every minute of this process and was prolonged because the mom I had before her final fall was not the mom that I watched decline for over 2 years. There are 5 times that we were told that she had days to live, only to have her bounce back. She contracted “the virus” and we thought she would not make it, but she physically recovered (not mentally). The rollercoaster of she’s dying to she bounced back was hard to handle. It was horrible watching her not eat for weeks and eventually slip away. I am thankful that she recognized me and my dad even in the end, that she was peaceful and in no pain.

We all grieve differently

We all grieve in different ways and on different time lines in reaction to a loss.

Mourning is the outward expression of a loss, grief is the internal suffering we experience.

You can go back and forth in the stages of grieving. What is important is not to linger in grief because prolonged grief settles into the physical body in the lung meridian and heart chakra. We have all heard of a spouse who became ill after the prolonged illness of their loved one, and sometimes passing shortly after their loved one was gone.

Grieving can occur from:

  • Loss of a loved one (person or pet)
  • Loss of a pregnancy
  • Loss of health
  • Loss of a job
  • Loss of relationships
  • Loss of a home
  • Loss of a lifestyle
  • Loss of freedom
  • Loss of your world as it was

Your physical and emotional health before the grief incident can determine how long your grief process will happen. Grief meets you where you are and progresses from there.

Prolonged grieving can result in:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • PTSD
  • Guilt
  • Isolation
  • Numbing behaviors
  • Numb emotions
  • Eating disorders (not eating or junk eating)
  • Concentration problems
  • Addictions
  • Low energy
  • No desire to do things once enjoyed
  • Heart attacks
  • Unhealthy behaviors

You will know that you have come out on the other side of grieving when:

  • You accept the loss
  • You no longer feel physical and emotional pain from the loss
  • You have adjusted to a “new normal”
  • You have moved on and do not feel guilty being happy

My grieving protocol

I knew that my mom was on the dementia path and it is the primary reason that I left my legal career in the DC area and moved back home to Michigan in March 2015. I wanted to be there for her and my dad as she progressed.

In July 2019 I created an essential oil protocol to support the grieving process in response to so many friends losing beloved pets. I had several friends test the protocol and received feedback. I soon found that it was helpful in our rapidly changing world that started in March 2020. And then it was helpful for me and my dad during this prolonged time with my mom.

This protocol meets you where you are in the stage of grieving.

This protocol is NOT intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent disease; it is a protocol that addresses the vibrational energy of grieving to help soothe what you are feeling and support you through the back-and-forth stages.

Click here to watch the class I taught about this protocol.

For me, my grieving was long-term the entire time my mom was in assisted living. That time provided me and my dad the opportunity to adjust to a “new normal.” With her peaceful passing, I found peace. Many people ask me how I’m doing and I’m actually doing well. It was the past 2+ years that were very hard.

I now realize how prolonged grieving impacted my energy these past 2 years. I am the sort of person who just keeps going with a happy face no matter what is going on. I was able to keep up with the work I enjoy in my 3 businesses, but much else beyond that I did not have the energy. I found myself visiting my healing location at Lake Michigan frequently (on average every other week throughout the year). I craved the energy of the water and waves and could not get enough of it. Listen to those cravings (when they healthy).

I engaged in extreme self-care and prioritized keeping myself healthy and well. Essential oils, crystals, healthy food, lake time, and restricting my time to supportive positive people helped me greatly. It is important to take care of yourself first and foremost because others depend on you. I am still in the process of recovering my energy and do not feel bad when I say no to things I once enjoyed. Give yourself permission to say no.

I hope this protocol will help you, like it helped me and my dad, during the inevitable grieving that we all experience at one or more points in our lifetime. Being proactive in your self-care is one of the most important things you can do for yourself, your loved ones, and everyone around you.

 

About Allie Phillips:

My name is Allie Phillips and I like proof, not fluff! I am a Certified Health Coach, Life/Law of Attraction Mindset Coach, Usui Reiki Master-Teacher, Integrated Energy Therapy Master-Instructor, Advanced Crystal Master, Universal energy educator, Young Living Essential Oil Brand Partner Leader (#1414338), and an Attorney. I believe in empowering people with education that is well-researched, easy to understand and implement with many options for success, and with experience that it works. My passion is blending all of my expertise together as a Holistic Wellness Coach to help people and pets stay well and thrive in our changing world.  I am the author of The Oily Pet and The Oily Crystal and have written several award-winning animal protection books and publications. As an animal & family protection attorney who is an internationally recognized educator on prosecuting family violence and animal abuse cases, and the Founder/CEO of Sheltering Animals & Families Together (SAF-T)®, I love helping animal companions live safely and with wellness because for those of us who have them grace our worlds, they are our soul mates. 

Be sure to check out my wellness workshops happening every month!

Check out my energy healing certification classes! 

Join in on the fun!

Essential Oils & Crystals for a Positive Mindset

Recently my essential oil group spent a month focusing on how to shift from a negative to a positive mindset. Our inner feelings and beliefs dominate our mindset. When we can identify the underlying feeling or belief, we can then start the shift from a negative to positive mindset.

These are some of our favorite essential oils and crystals to help us shift.

Shifting from overwhelm to motivated

We live in a world with a lot of noise and information overload. It can be so much that we feel smothered and weighed down which can create apathy and numbness. These are our favorites:

  • Magnify Your Purpose blend = Overwhelm can set in when you have lost your purpose. Smell this oil and let it get you back on track with your purpose.
  • Motivation blend = This was a team favorite and the name says it all! When you smell it or diffuse it, you will be amazed at what you get done.
  • Sacred Mountain blend = When you can calm and ground yourself, you can begin to re-energize and move out of the mindset of overwhelm.
  • Crystals I love for motivation are Celestite (helps calm when overwhelmed), Clear Quartz (amplifies your energy field simply by holding it) and Stellar Beam (Dog Tooth) Calcite (very high vibrational energy to get moving).

Shifting from worry & fear to strength & courage

Worry and fear are feelings of scarcity, lack, disempowerment, panic, and despair. All you are doing is traumatizing yourself about something in the future that has not and likely will not happen. Worry stores in the stomach as powerlessness and fear stores in the kidneys. These emotions will lower you in to a frequency where dis-ease can take root. So don’t go there! These are our favorites:

  • Valor blend = When we worry and are consumed with fear, we simply need to find our confidence and courage. Valor helps to shift your energy to get back on track.
  • Abundance blend = Abundance is an energy and mindset. It is about shifting to see all that you have in your life and that your glass is overflowing! When you see that, fear and worry melt away.
  • Present Time blend = When you are present, everything is perfect in that moment. Do not let your mindset get stuck in the past or worried and afraid of the future. This is a very calming blend that really helps to focus on being present.
  • Crystals I love for courage are Black Tourmaline (grounding and strength), Celestite (releases negative patterns of fear and worry) and Dumortierite (calming strength and courage).

Shifting from anger to forgiveness

Have you felt a lot of anger floating around in the air? Sometimes the anger that gets into our energy is actually not our own. But it still can still cause havoc in our body. Anger stores itself in our liver, and resentment in the spleen. When anger is not processed it can result in bitterness, intolerance, and settle into resentment … more toxic emotions for our poor body to deal with. These are our favorites:

  • Release blend = When you are ready to let go of toxic feelings and mindset. Topically apply over your liver and then deeply inhale it while saying “I release all negativity from body, mind and spirit”.
  • Forgiveness blend = As Mark Twain said, “”Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Forgiveness is beautiful once you find it. When you smell this blend it can bring you into a higher awareness and vibrational frequency to the point where you can let go and move on. Topically apply over your heart and then deeply inhale while saying “I am thankful for life’s experiences and the lessons they teach.”
  • Humility blend = Humility is the step after forgiveness so that we can learn and transform. It keeps you sweet and strong no matter what is happening around you.
  • Crystals I love for forgiveness are Blue Lace Agate (calming), Rose Quartz (forgiving) and Rutilated Quartz (let go of the past hurts).

Shifting from loneliness to self-love

Did you know that the remedy to loneliness is self-love? Lack of self-love can come from unresolved grief and when grief is not processed and released it can lead to depression. When you are comfortable hanging out with yourself, your thoughts, and engaging in self-care and personal development during isolation, you are less likely to feel lonely. These are our favorites:

  • Frankincense = Simply smelling this oil can get your energy moving. It is my favorite when missing a person, pet or lifestyle, to restore faith, to ground and uplift. It is also soothing for moments of unworthiness and loneliness.
  • White Angelica blend = You will want to slather all over yourself (your pets). I call it the Wrapped-In-A-Warm-Blanket Oil and the All-Is-Well oil. It is like being wrapped in love. It feels protective so that you do not feel the need to isolate. I love to use it with abused and shelter pets.
  • Hope blend = Hope is a good start with when it comes to deep emotional healing. Because other than love, we all need hope. When you combine the energy of Melissa for those who are highly sensitive with the deep grounding and empowerment of Juniper, Myrrh and Black Spruce, you find Hope! It is my go-to for deep emotions that need to be released. It will help you keep moving forward one day at a time.
  • Crystals I love for self-love are Citrine (happy vibe crystal), Lepidolite (contains lithium to pull out of grief and sadness) and Rose Quartz (self-love).

And always remember … Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.

 

About Allie Phillips:

My name is Allie Phillips and I like proof, not fluff! I am a Certified Health Coach, Life/Law of Attraction Mindset Coach, Usui Reiki Master-Teacher, Integrated Energy Therapy Master-Instructor, Advanced Crystal Master, Universal energy educator, Young Living Essential Oil Brand Partner Leader (#1414338), and an Attorney. I believe in empowering people with education that is well-researched, easy to understand and implement with many options for success, and with experience that it works. My passion is blending all of my expertise together as a Holistic Wellness Coach to help people and pets stay well and thrive in our changing world.  I am the author of The Oily Pet and The Oily Crystal and have written several award-winning animal protection books and publications. As an animal & family protection attorney who is an internationally recognized educator on prosecuting family violence and animal abuse cases, and the Founder/CEO of Sheltering Animals & Families Together (SAF-T)®, I love helping animal companions live safely and with wellness because for those of us who have them grace our worlds, they are our soul mates. 

Be sure to check out my wellness workshops happening every month!

Check out my energy healing certification classes! 

Join in on the fun!

Processing the Energy of Grief and Loss

Sadly, this topic close to my heart right now.

My sweet Jacob suddenly and unexpectedly passed away on April 3rd. He was fine a few days earlier, then acted a little sluggish and wasn’t eating as much for a day, and the next thing I know we are in the ICU at the Michigan State University Veterinary School. He was crashing and all I was told was that it was a very fast moving cancer, but they didn’t know what the cancer was. Two weeks earlier, he had full lab work-ups done and there were no problems. So after a lot of questions, little answers, and veterinarians who were baffled by what caused the sudden crash, it was clear that Jacob was passing before my eyes so I held him as we let him go.

Jacob is not the only pet who passed away in the past 3 months. An unusually large number of pets and people have passed on (many unexpectedly) …. and the number is well over 30 just for who I know. I’m searching to find the meaning in all of it. I believe that everyone decides at the soul level when it’s their time to pass on. But why so many in the past 3 months? It’s like they are going in clusters. Do they feel they will be of more service to us in spirit? Do they know something we humans don’t know? It has prompted a lot of discussions but little answers.

What I’ve done in the past month to process the grief, cope with the loss and missing the pitter patter of Jacob’s feet, and to keep my multi-businesses afloat, I have turned to a couple of tools to help me process grief.

The first thing I did was reach for my essential oils. The oils that have truly helped me through this difficult time have been Acceptance (to accept what has happened), Frankincense (which comes in the starter kit and it works on the lung meridian where we store the energy of grief), Gratitude (to be grateful for the time that we had with our loved one) and Joy (because our loved one would want us moving forward in joy and happiness). I was in shock, angry and then numb for about 3 weeks. I used my oily religiously and then it all lifted. By diffusing these oils, I know they have also helped my cat Rudy who deeply loved Jacob.

My favorite ways to utilize the oils for emotional help is to smell them. The oils go into the limbic region of the brain where we store emotions. So diffusing the oils or placing the oils in your hand and inhaling are two powerful techniques to process the energy of difficult emotions.

Next, I placed a ginormous Rose Quartz and Selenite on my bedroom nightstand so that the loving and soothing energy of those crystals would surround me at night.

And then I simply kept talking to Jacob. Just because a person or pet has passed on does not mean that their spirit is not nearby. In the past 6 weeks there have been so many Jacob “sightings” based on Rudy’s reactions. Rudy will start to spontaneously play in a location where he and Jacob would rumble. Rudy will jump up and start to chase something that I cannot see. And Rudy will stare down a hallway as if Jacob is there. I also “see” Jacob out of the corner of my eye. So keep talking to your loved one because they have not left your side.

And if you’re still struggling with overwhelming grief and feel that you cannot move on, please talk with a professional and combine that therapy with an energy healing session. Together, it can be a powerful combination of transformation.

I am sharing this because we all have lost someone and if we do not process the grief, it can cause a host of emotional, mental and physical problems (because grief stores in the lungs). Essential oils, crystals and continued connection to your loved one can help you through it. Even if you have grief from long ago, give these techniques a try.

So while we grapple with the why, the what if’s, and retracing steps to try to identify signs or ways that a different road could have been taken, at some point we all have to grieve and release it. So I wanted to share my story that even in the midst of grief, there is hope and happiness.


Jacob and Rudy, very bonded brothers and best friends

I am so grateful and happy that I had my floppy-eared blue-eyed Jacob in my life, even just for less than 5 years. Everyone who came to my homes in Virginia and Michigan met him because he was a big part of every energy healing and essential oil class. I now can look at his photos and smile and I truly feel his presence still in our home.

About Allie Phillips:

Me and LucyAllie is a unique combination of self-empowerment coach (Certified Law of Attraction Counselor and Life Coach), energy therapist (Usui Reiki Master-Teacher, Fairy Reiki Master, Integrated Energy Therapy Master-Instructor, and Advanced Crystal Master), Certified Fairyologist, Young Living essential oil Silver Leader educator, award-winning book author, attorney and nationally-recognized animal advocate. Whether it’s wanting more freedom, creativity, loving relationships, financial security, wellbeing, relaxation, or adjusting to the energy of our new world … she looks at each person and animal holistically and creates a well-being plan. She combines methods to help people gain control of their lives and to help animals live with comfort in our hectic world. And she particularly loves helping our animal companions because for those of us who have them grace our worlds, they are our soul mates.
YL 1414338

Join in on the fun!

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Be sure to check out my workshops happening every month!

Check out my energy therapy certification classes! 

Loss: When you want to help

All of us have been in the position at one time where we saw a family or friend suffering through a loss. Maybe it’s the loss of a person, a pet, a job, a relationship, or their health. We instinctively want to help them, but we often do not know what to do. We feel helpless as we watch our loved one suffer.

I have learned a lot about loss from both sides: suffering the loss and wanting to help someone through loss. What I have learned is that everyone processes loss differently. Yet instinctively we want to help others in ways that we would want to be helped. And that’s not necessarily the best way. So I created a video about some different ways that we can help without being intrusive.

Oscar&Sammy Thanksgiving 112306-sideIn 2012, I lost two of my beloved kitties: Sammy (on February 24, 2012) and Oscar (on November 24, 2012). And as the one-year anniversary of Oscar’s passing comes closer, I feel the sadness returning. I had time to prepare for the loss of Sammy and Oscar; yet when it happened it was like the world went on slow motion for me. My life as I had known it for the previous 12 years was gone. For me, I have always coped with loss by going within, being alone, healing in private. That often causes concerned loved ones to reach out to me even more; yet that causes me more pain. On the other hand, I know others who need to be with people when they are dealing with the aftermath of a loss. Having constant companionship and keeping busy is how they cope and heal. Two very different methods, and even more methods in between.

We are all different in how we handle loss and go through the grieving process. Here are 10 ways that you can help some through the process:

1. Ask how you can support them then honor their response. If they want space, give them space. If they want company but no talking, respect that.

2. Let them decide when (or if) they want to talk about what happened. They may want to avoid the topic and discuss lighter issues. Do not force them to talk about the loss. When (if) they are ready to talk, they will.

3. Limit how often you ask “are you okay” or say “I know what you’re going through.” When we are asked if we are okay, we naturally respond that we are fine out of politeness when the honest answer might be “my heart is broken and I don’t know how to go on with life.” And when we compassionately say that we understand what they are going through, we truly mean that. However, knowing that we all process loss differently, we really do not know what they are going through.

Grieving grid4. Send energy healing (distantly) to your loved one. Even though they may not consciously know the energy is enveloping them, energetically they will feel it and it will help them to heal. If you work with crystals, you could set up a crystal grid to send healing energy. I like to set up grids with Rose Quartz (to send love) and Apache Tear Obsidian (to help with grief). You could even set up a grid for the person or pet who has passed on.

5. Send prayers and good intentions their way. The energy of your positive prayers and intentions will reach them and give them comfort.

6. Donate to a charity in the memory of the person or pet who has passed. This is a way of doing something good during a time of grief.

7. Offer your help in nonintrusive ways. Such as cook dinner and leave it for your loved one, rake leaves, shovel snow, mow the lawn, pick up the mail and bring it to the front door. If your loved one is grieving privately, do this in subtle ways so that you do not intrude on their privacy.

8. Send a book that relates to coping with loss. These are some of my favorite books: Animals and the Afterlife, Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates, Dying to be me (a book about the afterlife), Grieving MindfullyThe Art of Extreme Self-Care, and The Tapping Solution (Emotional Freedom Technique to help process grief).

9. Send a card or a photo of the person or pet who has passed along with a memory that you have of them. It may become a cherished keep-sake.

10. And when you don’t know what to say, just send a card or tell them, “I’m here for whatever you need.”

It is natural to want to help when we see a loved one grieving a loss. When you ask them what you can do to best support them and honor their request, everyone will feel better. Just ask!

Me and Oscar - Aug 09-1-cropped
Allie & Oscar

 

About Allie:

Allie is a unique combination of self-empowerment coach (Certified Law of Attraction Counselor and Life Coach), energy therapist (Usui Reiki Master-Teacher, Integrated Energy Therapy Master-Instructor, and Advanced Crystal Master), award-winning book author, attorney and nationally-recognized animal advocate. Whether it’s wanting more freedom, creativity, loving relationships, financial security, wellbeing, relaxation, or adjusting to the energy of our new world … she looks at each person and animal holistically and creates a well-being plan. She holistically combines these methods to help people gain control of their lives and to help animals live with comfort in our hectic world. It worked for her and will work for you!  She particularly loves helping our animal companions because for those of us who have them grace our worlds, they are our soul mates.

Join in on the fun!

 

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