Updated April 13, 2025

From December 2019 until March 12, 2022, I was in the prolonged and anticipatory grieving process of losing my mom to Alzheimer’s. Here’s the short story.

My mom had another fall, the visit to the emergency room accelerated her dementia, they told us she was dying and had only days to live (that was a shock to us), she went into assisted living for what we thought would be a short time. Fast forward 3 months and the lockdown happened in March 2020 and my dad and I were excluded from seeing her and even standing outside of her window to wave to her. Her dementia progressed rapidly until we moved her to a different assisted living facility where we could visit her daily. Fast forward 26 months where little by little each day she slipped away until her passing on March 12, 2022.

Grieving occurred every minute of this process and was prolonged because the mom I had before her final fall was not the mom that I watched decline for over 2 years. There are 5 times that we were told that she had days to live, only to have her bounce back. She contracted “the virus” and we thought she would not make it, but she physically recovered (not mentally). The rollercoaster of she’s dying to she bounced back was hard to handle. It was horrible watching her not eat for weeks and eventually slip away. I am thankful that she recognized me and my dad even in the end, that she was peaceful and in no pain.

Then on September 28, 2023, my dad went to the emergency room and they found a mass in his abdomen. He passed on December 15, 2023. I was devastated. He was my best friend, my biggest cheerleader, and the one person that I could talk to about anything. His fast moving illness put me in a nervous system state of flight he slipped away. I put my life and businesses on hold, was there for him throughout the entire process, and made sure his estate paperwork was in order. Then having to empty our family home of over 60 years and sell it put me in a subsequent state of functional freeze.

We all grieve differently

We all grieve in different ways and on different time lines in reaction to a loss.

Mourning is the outward expression of a loss, grief is the internal suffering we experience.

You can go back and forth in the stages of grieving. What is important is not to linger in grief because prolonged grief settles into the physical body in the lung meridian and heart chakra. We have all heard of a spouse who became ill after the prolonged illness of their loved one, and sometimes passing shortly after their loved one was gone.

Grieving can occur from:

• Loss of a loved one (person or pet)
• Loss of a pregnancy
• Loss of health
• Loss of a job
• Loss of relationships
• Loss of a home
• Loss of a lifestyle
• Loss of freedom
• Loss of your world as it was

Your physical and emotional health before the grief incident can determine how long your grief process will happen. Grief meets you where you are and progresses from there.

Prolonged grieving can result in:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• PTSD
• Guilt
• Isolation
• Numbing behaviors
• Numb emotions
• Eating disorders (not eating or junk eating)
• Concentration problems
• Addictions
• Low energy
• No desire to do things once enjoyed
• Heart attacks
• Unhealthy behaviors

You will know that you have come out on the other side of grieving when:

• You accept the loss
• You no longer feel physical and emotional pain from the loss
• You have adjusted to a “new normal”
• You have moved on and do not feel guilty being happy

My Essential oil and Crystal Grief Protocol

I knew that my mom was on the dementia path and it is the primary reason that I left my legal career in the DC area and moved back home to Michigan in March 2015. I wanted to be there for her and my dad as she progressed.

In July 2019 I created an essential oil protocol to support the grieving process in response to so many friends losing beloved pets. I had several friends test the protocol and received feedback. I soon found that it was helpful in our rapidly changing world that started in March 2020. And then it was helpful for me and my dad during this prolonged time with my mom.

And then I added crystals and continued to refine the protocol.

This protocol meets you where you are in the stage of grieving.

This protocol is NOT intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent disease; it is a protocol that addresses the vibrational energy of grieving to help soothe what you are feeling and support you through the back-and-forth stages.

Click here to download an e-book with my Oily Crystal Grief Protocol.

For me, my grieving was long-term the entire time my mom was in assisted living. That time provided me and my dad the opportunity to adjust to a “new normal.” With her peaceful passing, I found peace.

But then the unexpected health issue for my dad left us both in shock. He was 85-years-young, still worked full time because he loved his job of over 50 years, was very active in his Rotary Club and young at heart. So we both went into overdrive trying to get him the medical help he needed, but the medical system was simply too slow. So the grief was compounded.

I now realize how prolonged grief impacted my energy these past 5 years. While I was able to keep going and  keep up with the work I enjoy in my 3 businesses, I did not have the energy for much else. I found myself visiting my healing location at Lake Michigan frequently (on average every other week throughout the year). Visiting Lake Michigan became an obsession as I allowed the water and waves to heal me. Listen to those cravings (when they healthy).

I engaged in extreme self-care and prioritized keeping myself healthy and well. Essential oils, crystals, healthy food, lake time, and restricting my time to supportive positive people helped me greatly. It is important to take care of yourself first and foremost because others depend on you. I am still in the process of recovering my energy and do not feel bad when I say no to things I once enjoyed. Give yourself permission to say no.

I hope this protocol will help you, like it helped me, during the inevitable grieving that we all experience at one or more points in our lifetime. Being proactive in your self-care is one of the most important things you can do for yourself, your loved ones, and everyone around you.

 

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